Want Your Life Back? How to Handle Guilt When Caring For An Aging Parent

Whether you stepped in to help an elderly relative out of love, a sense of responsibility, or financial necessity, caregiving can sometimes feel like a burden – even for the most devoted family members.

Perhaps it started as a small role: fetching groceries or doing some light cleaning, for example. Over time, these responsibilities can magnify and become much more demanding.

If you’re close to your senior, you may feel you can never give enough. If your relationship has been strained in the past, you may feel resentful. Either way, after weeks or months of caregiving, you’re likely to wake up one day thinking, “I want my life back”.

In this article, we’ll explore these feelings of guilt, how to manage them, and how to find a solution for your loved one.

The Reality of Caring for Aging Parents

According to the AARP, 40% of caregivers cite emotional stress as a major challenge, rarely having time to relax, and feeling alone. While you may volunteer to care for your aging parents out of a sense of love, responsibility, or duty, the reality is that caring for someone is difficult.

We haven’t mentioned the added financial strain and stress of navigating a new family dynamic, which involves a role reversal in who cares for whom. While many care for a parent or relative with the best of intentions, they can’t change the reality that this is a difficult endeavor, even for the best professionals.

You aren’t alone in feeling this way. Read on as we share strategies to cope with these feelings of guilt and show you how to find a solution for your loved one.

Strategies to Cope With Guilt

While a single article cannot remove the entire burden of guilt you may be feeling, the following two tactics can help you take a meaningful step forward:

• Check in with yourself: How are you doing today?
• Let things go bit by bit

How Are You Doing Today?

It’s perfectly reasonable to want to live your own life.

Sharing caregiving duties with other family members, friends, or in-home professional caregivers will help you and your senior stay healthier and happier in the long run.

Yet it’s easy to get so caught up in your day-to-day caregiving responsibilities that you don’t even realize you’re neglecting your own family, relationships, career, health, or interests. That’s why it’s important to stop and ask yourself, “How am I doing today?”

Making this a daily habit teaches you to become more aware of both your emotional and physical well-being. Soon you’ll begin to recognize when you need to ask for help. It also serves as a reminder to reach out and share your concerns and challenges with friends and other caregivers.

Consider opening up to your senior, too, unless he or she suffers from dementia. An honest conversation will help you reconnect as a family rather than as a caregiver and patient. You will likely learn that your senior struggles with his own feelings of guilt or loneliness.

Let Go, At Least a Little

You naturally want what is best for your loved one, but that does not mean you need to be the sole provider of that care.

There are plenty of options to share the burden and provide your senior with access to others; these include:

• Community programs
• Senior daycare
• In-home caregivers

In-home caregivers can offer high-quality and professional care while giving you a much-needed break.

Though you may feel guilty leaving your senior in someone else’s care, she may surprise you and be thrilled to interact with others and participate in new activities. You may even enjoy your time together more since you’ll be refreshed, and she’ll be more engaged with daily life.

Solutions for Dealing With Guilt

Wherever you choose to look for help, remember that all family caregivers need support.

Taking a break from your caregiving responsibilities to nurture yourself may seem selfish at first, but it’s smart to take a step back to realize that it benefits everyone in the long run.

If you’re feeling guilty, here are three strategies to help:

• Reframe the decision: Instead of viewing outside help as "giving up" or "failing," recognize that bringing in professional caregivers often provides better, more sustainable care. By asking for help, you're actually ensuring your parent receives consistent, high-quality care while preserving your own capacity to be present.
• Practice self-compassion: Take time to honestly evaluate your capabilities, limitations, and other life commitments. Acknowledge that being a sole caregiver can lead to burnout, potentially compromising both your health and the quality of care you can provide.
• Create a balanced care partnership: Rather than thinking in all-or-nothing terms, develop a care plan that lets you remain actively involved while sharing responsibilities. For example, you might handle medical appointments and financial matters while professional caregivers assist with daily tasks. This allows you to focus your energy on quality time and emotional connection with your parent or other loved one.

When all else fails, remember that elder care is a journey, and you are not alone.

Elder Care is a Journey: Resources to Help

Caring for your senior is a process that will require adjustments from you and your family. In order to love and care for your seniors over the long term, you need to care for yourself as well.

Anyone who has been a caregiver knows that’s easier said than done. But, fortunately, help is available.

If you wish to continue providing care yourself, we recommend checking out The Tailored Caregiver Assessment and Referral® System (TCare®): an award-winning program that supports family caregivers in 17 states and several military institutions. The Family Caregiver Alliance also provides extensive resources for family caregivers feeling stressed.

At LeanOnWe, The Trusted Way to Hire A Caregiver On Your Own, we’ve helped 2,000+ families find quality care through our top-rated private caregiver network, so we know firsthand how challenging caregiving can be. We’d recommend our guide filled with practical success strategies for family caregivers.

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Our complimentary eBook has all the information you need for an overview of home care, learning how to hire, finding ways to overcome challenges you may encounter, and much more. Download “From Crises to Caregiver: An Uncomplicated Guide to Home Care” today.

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